and here is irrefutable proof >.<
idk the last time i actually posted in here. so ah, let's seeeeeee based on my default pic, it was before i took my hair atomic pink. so yeh, here's a current piccy of me. (the pink has slightly faded. i gotta redo it....)



ummmmm what else, i am still at target, but that is changing very soon. August at the latest. the place is going to hell since they started remodeling to turn us into a super target. seems we arent making the sales to support putting people in softlines, so there's about 3 of us on any given night closing. this is like effing mission impossible in itself. and then hardlines pitches a fit when they have to come over. fuck you guys!
Plus, they've decided fitting room can handle the phone calls. again, WTF people?! it's hard enough trying to keep track of the fuckers who try to rip us off, now we're gonna be distracted with calls? we may as well hand these people bags and say load up. free clothes... meeeeeeeh

aaand, tonight could have been ALOT suckier, had Brandi not been on with me. i effing love her. we got off on the weirdest rants involving the worst way to die which ended in me bringing up sir gutless' story from haunted by chuck palahniuk cuz she mentioned drowning in a pool.....
also, Papito was on. and yeeeees i still crush on him. kinda. sorta. in a way. hahahahhaaaa i mean given the chance to hook up with him, i'd go for it without a second thought. judge me if you will, but whatevs... he continued to be in rare form with me tonight, (see also uber flirty and touchy feely close and stuffs)

( loooong asss ramble meant damn near entirely for me, but you're welcome to read if you're bored )

and this is what i look like when i go to work. i am *such* a dolly XD

they also gave me an $.18 raise. yes. 18 cents. FML!

I've been working. a lot.... and trying to paint. (a lot. and succeeding at pretty well for the most part) which pretty much means what lil free time i have left is not spent playing on online...

i don't have many earth shattering updates, i'm still crushing on Papito and have no idea how to actually go about telling him i like him. retarded i know, esp since all signs point to him liking me too... [sigh]
and the one chick i work with, Cherry, is out indefinitely b/c she needs surgery. i'm a bit foggy on all the details but general synopsis is while she's out they need someone to pick up her position, which is table specialist (for those who don't know what the eff that means.... when you go into a clothing store and you see all those pretty tables of folded clothes and jeans, well it's her job to set up and keep track of all that merchandise) aaaand my boss, Penny is recommending me... so i'll end up doing mainly morning shifts and once or twice a month i get to go in at 6 am on sunday to help set the ad....
this has def positives and negatives...
it means they have no intention of getting rid of me, or chopping my hours which is awesome, and day hours are so much better than closing, but i won't get to see papito when i do that which is the biggest negative of all... idk....

and in just pointless rambling of the night, the cutest thing yesterday was when some lil boy asked me why i had a belt around my neck (my black leather choker collar) his mother called him a silly goose and said it's her necklace... he goes noooo it's a belt! and the mom took off to look at a nearby rack of clothes and the boy just kept staring at me... i said it *is* a belt, and isn't it cute??? and he blushed and goes, yeeeeah [awwww]

def highlight of my day would be the fact i actually did talk to papito a fair amt and ended with him saying he'd be my stalker (lead up: Penny asked if i could stay a lil longer to help them out. i said sure and took a final break at 6 pm with Aisha. he saw me and goes, what is this, your 4th break??? and i said what, you're tracking how many breaks i take now??? and he said something, and i said i'm gonna call you a stalker now. and he said he'd be my stalker...) to which i responded, well at least my stalker's cute.

hehe and it was also really like awwww when Joe goes, he still has my lighter, and it's crazy b/c it's the longest he's ever had a lighter he's constantly losing them, but each time he thinks he loses this one he finds it again. i just said it's special cuz it's my lighter and that's why he hasnt lost it....
Pretty much everyone who talks to Papito is being nicer to me (well guy peoples anyway....)
anyway, it's late i need some ZZZZ's

What Your Cute Monster Says About You

You are a simply happy person. You still view the world with a childlike innocence. You have an easy going attitude, and you value harmony. You love freely and inspire others to love. You inner demon is frailty. You are easily beaten down by life. People think you're cute because you are optimistic. Your outlook on life is charming.

Girl Anachronism
The dresden dolls



actual entry and update, (probably) tomorrow when i get home from work.

It was soooo cute last night. I had to cover jewelry while Donna went on break, and there was the sweetest lil girl (bout 7 or 8 gingerbrown hair, freckled face and the most infectious smile you've ever seen) with her mom looking at the cheapy adult rings (the ones that go for like $10) they wanted to see 2 rings. the first was on the playful side with the silver swirling up in the front, and the other had cubic zirconia chips around it. daughter puts on the silver swirly one and it's a lil big. mom calls her on it and she goes 'noooo it's not on all the way', and jams it down far as it'll go 'seeee it fits!' I said, all you have to do is take a bit of medical tape and wrap it around the inside. it'll fit her perfectly fine. lil girl goes YEAHHHH that's what [insert name i didnt catch] said to do too!
next she tries on the zirconia one same deal on size, but mom says no b/c it looks like there's tiny diamond chips around it. I told the girl, i'd pick the swirly one over the zirconia one any day. mom says they'd be back and wandered off. about 20 minutes later we ended up crossing paths again and the mother kinda side-glanced me and daughter just grinned at me from from ear to ear.

Score one for kids! every single kid wants an adult to take their side, and it so rarely occurs. I did it without even realizing, it wasnt til after it hit me i completely undermined the mom hahahahahahaaha

♥my crush is slowly dissipating into a very confuzzling lil annoyance
♥John has left to go back to college
♥Michelle is transferring over to the Millville store, (yes i said you follow me around like a lil puppy, but everybody likes puppies & christ on a tricycle look at the chickies i'm left with when you go)
♥and i'm not doing anything remotely creative, even though i REALLY want to. it's just that by the time i get done shift, the last thing i feel like doing is painting....
suddenly random chats with strangers and interesting exchanges with coworkers isn't worth the $8 an hour anymore....

i like to call the following my 'adopt a painter chickie program'. it was actually created way back when, in regards to my magician. so, let's call this
adopt a painter chickie v2.0

Bohemian slacker painter chickie in need of a new home and enriching environment. are you the right person?

won't you take me home?.

needs: coffee, cigarettes, and a nice spot to curl up and sleep

can offer: soul enriching and mind expanding beyond your wildest dreams. a reconnection with joys long forgotten, random acts of artistical beauty and pretty pictures (while you sleep if you enjoy a nice surprise when you wake up, or while you're awake if you like to watch).

Soooo i was having an uber hard decision on whether to keep my tresses red or go back to black. A few of my friends said do both! haaaa i got some smart friends. yes i dooooo.

This lead to the fun lil experience of dividing and coloring my hair using the following:
Garnier blue-black dye
Splat Luscious raspberries temp hair paint
SPlat Blue Envy temp hair paint

and I am quite proud to say the only weird hair staining incident is a tiny streak of blue on my scalp (YAY! when i went completely red for the first time pretty much my entire scalp got dyed). Here are the results:

haaaa we had no team lead last night at work, which basically meant everyone going nuts and worrying whether we'd get everything done (and taking really quick breaks to ensure we did) and me taking extra long breaks b/c i wasnt worried. i knew what it was gonna take to finish up... my lunch wasnt particularly long, but when i got back in donna (the nearest thing we had to a lead) and Jean the woman that covers fitting room, were having a lovely convo about me. which pissed me off and lead to the fuck this attitude and eventually how my 15 min. break turned into a near half hour one......

but first things first, i guess.
I have come to the realization, my interest in Papito is lil more than a very basic physical one. The guy is incredibly cute, and he manages to make me smile/blush/giggle..... but when it comes down to it, well, i have no interest in his brain... and we dont have that much to talk about.... and i came to this realization as i was sitting outside talking to my coworker John on my 15 min. break. His shift ended at 8, and when he came out he asked if i had an extra cig. which i did and gladly shared with him. I was on the phone at first when Scott (skeevy janitor guy) was telling John hes gonna set him up with this girl he knows. and John's going on, dude [pointing to me] that's my girlfriend. don't be talking like that. this lead scott to going on if, it's your g/f why isnt she saying anything..
John- She's on the phone she's not gonna be rude...
i got off the phone and said yeah, he's my boyfriend, he pipes in we've been dating for a month and a half, (since he started there)

long story short, we ended up talking for almost half an hour. i was headed back in on time when i asked if he wanted another cig before i left. he goes, 'only if you'll smoke with me' i said fine, and that's when i found out his shift ended at 8, and i said so why the fuck are you still here?
-so i could talk to you.
awwww! and then there was the lovely g'bye hug. and i was pretty much on top of the world after that. he stayed. half an hour AFTER his shift, just to talk to MEEEE!
anyway, i got in major shit for my disappearing act/long break. but whatevs. it was the rest of the night when pepito got flirty,
i realized.
i just want to feel him.... taste him........
and i don't know how i feel about that.....
John on the other hand, well i wouldnt mind another chat and hug hahahaha

Yeeeeaaah no matter how i spin it, and believe me i've been working on it for most of the waking hours since he did told me, I cannot justify traveling to eastern state to play a zombie outside of the obvious fun factor.... Granted i dont know if i'd even get a position, i gotta think the shit through a bit.... worst part is, he brought it up again tonight, (b/c i hadnt said anything to him about going for it)
there's still a week or so before the auditions, so maybe something will change...

Johnny Eye, my favorite mindfuck of the moment, sent me a message that Eastern Sate is holding auditions to find this season's Zombies for their terror behind the walls. ("you get paid to scare ppl & act a fool...... AWESOME!!!!!!!!")
I will be skipping work, hopping a train, and (possibly)a bus to see if i can play the living dead for a month.

updates soon.

glitter-graphics.com

Papito haaaaaaa (yes my uber cutie crush boy)

so i went out to smoke on my break and he goes, you look *really* familiar.....
um went into work looking semi decent yesterday as opposed to the utter shite i usually look like? or sumfin.... yeahhhhhhhh not too sure how to take that statement.....

and now i gotta go get ready for work... :(

So, tonight was one of those sucky ass nights where everything that could go wrong did!
work started off on the lovely note of having to cover fitting room while Michelle went on her lunch break. Mmmmkay for those who've never done retail fitting room is the next worst thing to do next to cashiering. People suck and they're mean and get uberpissy when you tell them they can only take 6 things back at a time...
( the devil is in the details )

then i found out the screen on my cellphone cracked... I don't know how, but it did. so while the phone is still very usable i cant txt anyone. well I mean theoretically i could, but blind txting seems like a pretty bad idea..... Erm, this could be a blessing in disguise of sorts given the fact i was gonna end up txting John again (John is a guy I know over in Philly.he's nothing more, nothing less) but since we've been talking the guy Papito (his name is brigtman and he hates it with a PASSION lol) who i'm crushing on, but at the same time i get the feeling he likes me toooo has been getting really cold and distant... giving me a hard time about John being my boyfriend and shit. he pulled it again last night. but i wasnt in the mood at all, and i said seriously, we gotta get one thing straight, John is NOT my boyfriend. There is a guy i like, but it's not him. this lead into a quick game of 20 questions on him trying to figure out who it is i like... but the cliche part of it all, was while i was telling him about John my lighter wouldnt work. and he in the most oh so cheesy move ever, lit my cigarette for me. and as cliche, cheesy etc move it is, it's beyond sweet, cute etc when it happens to you.
and after that he picked back up with the serenading my name to me when he saw me and shit... so um yeah, that was the one highlight of my otherwise crappy night. haaaaa

There will never be an authorized anything of me.
Fuck digital cameraz and a million retakes, fuck the written word and so called truths....
I will live on in peoples memories alone,
Any photos that exist will either be long distance snapshots by strange people in bushes at the most inopportune times. Or pics in which I've inadvertantly shown up in the background of someone elses otherwise perfect shot. it's these piccys which show you for what you are.
smirks
and sneers
side glances
and longing looks of desire....
the crinkling of your nose
or peek of a crooked tooth...
y'know the imperfections and feelings you try your damndest to hide,
the very things that make you uniquely you.
The very things people alwayz see,
the very things they end up falling in love with...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From an IM i found myself in the other night.... (rambling is me, the 'C' was the answer to my rambling hahaha)

is it us?
or them?
or some weird combo?
-C
it's like we're all actively seeking out our mental mind fuck counterparts, because they're the ones who take us to the highest highs but they also drop us to unimaginable depths.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The past has already happened and you can't change it.
The future is incredibly uncertain. i've learned that fact 10 fold in my life...
so, today, tonight, whatever it is where you are, for just a few short seconds, go back to the mindset of what it was like when you were a kid before someone instilled fear into you and turned your lil bitty brain into a steel trap for pain.... when the greatest thrill you got was from simply running up and kissing the boy you liked because your friends dared you to... when you'd wear cowboy boots, a tutu and a tiara everywhere you went because it made you feel pretty.... just doing whatever it was your lil heart desired and you never gave anything a second thought. and you didnt even think about the consequences when your parent was towering over you yelling.... you'd nod and throw in a sorry here or there, but once they shut up and you went along you forgot everything you heard til the next time you got in trouble
a never ending vicious cycle of annoyance and frustration for them indeed,
but a wonderful utopia for you...

But see, somewhere along the lines things get all friggy....
as adults we hold onto the bad bits and forget the good ones.
we let irrational fears of every caliber hold us back from even the simplest forms of joy.
that's a fucked up way to live people!
and no amt of pills or doctors or anything else in this world is gonna set you straight. You have to do it. YOU have to try and get back to the childlike mentality......
A select few of us never lose it entirely and believe me we're all the greater for it... Granted my tiara and cowboy boots have been replaced with kneehigh platforms and a gas mask but the point is still the same....
Just try it...
for once in your adult life, don't think about what someone is gonna think of you...
go climb a tree,
lay in the grass and watch the clouds go by
play around and kiss the boy/girl you like....
take off and don't come home til the middle of the night all covered in dirt with bumps and bruises laughing hysterically. LIVE in every sense of the word. forget the rules and the accepted norm.
Once you get that small taste of freedom again, you'll never want to let it go.... see, what so few realize is, is the delirious happiness of childhood is entirely possible and within your grasp just go for it..... and believe me, it's a million times more fun now then it was then... because now you truly appreciate it ....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The only thing worse than death is stagnation in life and never evolving..... when you feel you've reached the pinnacle of perfection in knowing who you are and feel there is no room left to grow, well... it may be time for this [insert piccy done by John Ireland of foot hanging over edge of highrise balcony with land here and an X written on the ground]
for those utterly confuzzled by what the insert here piccy is (and i know at least one or 2 of you are) once you stop evolving. it's time for you to leave. exit, die. off yourself........


Anyolhoo my sleep schedule is completely and utterly fucked! thanks to my current working arrangement, i get home around 11:30 pm and get my second wind around midnight. this means i dont pass out until sunrise... wake up around 10am and by the time i've become something remotely resembling human i am off to work again....
All the while my brain is pulling triple duty on the creative front and getting jumbled in on itself, so my free moments are spent untangling rather than getting out kickarse ideas... I'm not particularly worried because sleep is for the weak. I have coffee! and soon enough those waking moments will be spent with strange artistic fucks haaa ...

short term plan is getting a place over in philly with my bro
from there
ANYWHERE, EVERYWHERE for lil periods of time....

Strangely enough a few tell me i'm setting myself up for failure. to them I say.
good. bring it. and i shall beat it to death with my paint brush...

They feel it's retarded to go to philly to do my art b/c there's sooo many people doing it there it'll be really hard to get anywhere. I'm better off here where there's no competition. I simply agree with them b/c arguing is pointless and on top of that i gotta work with the fuckers everyday. truth be told though, being surrounded by other creative weirdos is the secret to success.
At it's best there is constant flow of new ideas and thought processes and just plain old random acts of artistical beauty.
And at it's worst there is the need to improve your skills. if for no other reason than to show up some jerk off (you know damn fucking well it's true)
either way working on your own, you get crunchy and stale. You get set in your ways, and never evolve... and well i already covered what should happen next in this case in my philosophical ranting of the day....

haaaaa i'm still around and kickin even though it's been AGES since i've posted anything in here. I think i need to start again... My mind is all kinds of jumbled up which isn't doing my art or anything else a damn bit of good. I guess, first and foremost some updates are in order..... and then i'll post some of my philosophical ramblings from over on myspace.....

Ah, lets seeeeee....
I been working over at Target for almost 3 months now !!!!!! yeah scary thought i know. Job itself sucks monkey balls, but my coworkers are pretty awesome. (oh yeah i never told you guys that... well I got a job at target. i needed cash like BAD and i was in there with my friend, figured what the hey, put an app in, had to do the interview right then. ended up getting hired.) how i pulled it off is beyond me, b/c i was so not dressed for an interview hahahaha. I went in bumming it in my baggy camo cargo pants, hair all messy pulled up, like no makeup, big ass sunglasses, and the best part of the ensemble, my handcuffs hahahaha. Yeaahhhh i was yanking those fuckers off my wrist as i walked in back... but i pulled off all 3 interviews, and have been there pulling double duty working on the floor and on registers....)

I also got my first 2 tattys in as many months. One of my very first checks from target went to getting my back inked with my nickyname and artistical insignia (cyanide kitten with a gas mask girly crossed paint and airbrush behind her) that was back in May...



Then last month, i hit up the Atlantic City Drawin the wild card tatty con; where i waited over 6 hours to get inked by Christian Masot of Silk City Tattoo.
The story there goes, I went in armed with this lady luck pinup girly i designed. No idea who i wanted to do it, or if i'd even leave inked that night. In fact i wasnt expecting too much since i took my work clothes with me... sO i was wandering through talking to the artists and asking them if they could ink me, how much would it be, etc... each time saying ehhhh i'll be back around in a few. Then i saw this uber cute guy sitting on the floor prepping some guy's leg, and as i was flipping through his portfolio he asked me a few times if he could help me, if i had any questions. I finally showed him my girly and asked if he could do it, he said he'd love to, but it'd be a while since he just started this guy. (like 4 hour wait....which ended up turning into a 6 hour wait... which meant i wasnt going into work haaaaa) but i loved christians new school styles and he loves challenging himself, so i walked out freshly inked with an amazing new-old school style piece. Sadly he's a 3 hour drive away from me, which makes visiting his shop really hard, but um yeah it's a minor inconvenience i will have to suffer seeing as how he's gonna end up doing my entire left arm. It's gonna be a luck sleeve. and we were already discussing it before he finished my grrl. It was then i knew i found my artist for the time being. we were finishing one anothers thoughts and ah i loved it!



the only other noteworthy news is, I managed to get my hair a beyootiful shade of cherry red =D
it's a pain in the tuchas to maintain, but soooo very worth it for me. I dye my hair with herbal essences paint the town red and then maintain/build the redness by mixing in Splat luscious raspberry temp dye with my conditioner when i wash....



so ends this batch of updates... i'm off to rip random philosophizing from myspace to post here. be back shortly....

hehe how awesome is this pic? I got this dont fuck with me come hither look going on....

and all I can hear in the background is head like a hole by NIN

"Bow down before the one you serve You're going to get what you deserve"